18 March 2011

Butuh waktu, butuh waktu

Ya post kali ini tentang biasanya... (Tebak Ayo)
Yupz benar sekali, post kali ini saya akan sedikit berbagi curhat, yang sebenarnya curhatan ini tak sengaja saya lihat di fb kakak kelas saya, dia adalah teman di antara teman baik ku, dan kakak kelas yang paling unik menurutku, Namanya Annisa Mutya R, ni note dalam banget maknanya bray. Oke deh enggak usah panjang lebar, nih "CUPLIKANNYA". Langsung chekidot bekicot aja ya, eits tapi jangan lupa komen ye ...

Butuh waktu, butuh waktu

Ga tau mau mulai dari mana…
Ga tau aku ini kenapa..
Padahal harus belajar math malem ini, tapi pikiran yg satu ini ga pergi-pergi
Ok, where should I start from? How should I write this down?
mm..
I cried a lot this past month,
I’ve been missing my relaxed feelings
Sometimes I found myself hard to breathe.

Ini semua susah dimengerti, bahkan untuk aku sendiri yg mengalami

Saat rasionalitas ini nggak mau berdamai dengan hati

Rasanya ditarik begitu saja, apa yang sdh aku tunggu


Pikiran dan rasionalitas ini selalu bilang, “udah, semuanya udah lewat, toh ga ada kesempatan lagi. Hadapi aja yang ada sekarang. Mau kamu marah gimana juga, ga akan membuat kamu ada di sana. “


Sedangkan si hati yg kacau menolak, “ga bisa gini, ga semudah itu buat main lupain aja, udah terlanjur jadi luka, udah ada bekasnya.”


It doesn’t mean that I’m not trying to fix these things up, I’ve been trying so many times..

I’ve been trying to be fine, I’ve been trying to call back ‘that happy condition around’, and I’ve been trying to forget this.

This heart really won’t settle down, trying to look fine and happy.


Ca fait mal… très mal..


Soal lari-larian itu,

Entahlah, kaki ini langsung melangkah menghindar..
Perintah yg langsung menggerakkan kaki untuk pergi..
Karena merasa tak sanggup melihat semuanya..
Karena takut akan roboh

Aku tiba-tiba ingat, saat semuanya belum terjadi.

When I can laugh when I’m around, when I feel free to be around..
Sekarang, buat ngomong aja mikir beberapa kali..
Sekarang buat ketemu aja ragu, apa sanggup sih, si rapuh ini buat balik lagi?
Sekarang, ga bisa jadi dulu..
Ada yang beda, yg sulit di ubah
Rasanya walaupun udah bisa bertindak seolah ga ada apa-apa
Si hati udah terlanjur selesai bikin dinding, dinding yg bahkan tak terlihat, tapi ada dan kuat.
Yang membuat hal yg di depan mata ini jauh..

Sebelumnya memang aku bisa terlihat seperti tak terluka ataupun tak tergores sedikitpun


Tapi aku juga ingat, saat aku ada di dalam ketidakpastian itu..

Saat si otak udah bilang ga mungkin, dan si hati memaksa untuk percaya
Sakit.
Sakitnya pun masih ada sekarang, hilang dan timbul.

Aku ingat saat itu hari senin sekitar jam 3, aku masih punya satu pelajaran terakhir.

Entah kenapa aku pergi, hanya untuk menghilang dan menangis
Aku tak pulang hingga jam lima, hanya diam dan duduk, lelah menangis
Sudah lelah rupanya..

Aku ingat saat itu hari selasa, kepalaku pusing, lelah..

Memutuskan untuk pergi ke uks dan mencari ketenangan
Bukannya tenang aku malah menangis lagi, dan membuat kepalaku makin pusing

Aku ingat hari itu hari rabu sekitar jam 11, aku duduk di dalam kelas..

Menerima sebuah pesan, yg langsung membuatku menangis lagi saat itu juga di kelas..
Yang membuat teman-temanku sedikit bingung..

Hal-hal itu bikin aku tahu, kalau ada luka di sini..
Kalau ini bukan lecet, ini seperti di toreh,
It’s deep and it’s bleeding


I’m sick of this, I’m tired..


The first thing appear in my mind is, “what if I quit?”

Then I think that I’m not that kind of person who quits from problems
Then I decided to be in,
But I’m not tough enough, then I’m broken

Dan sekarang keadaan memaksa aku lagi untuk berpura-pura tak apa

Mungkin aku bisa coba, untuk tunggu sampai di mana aku bisa..

ya, terkadang
menipu agar semua org merasa semua baik itu jalan terbaik
mesti harus tergerogoti di dalam, meski harus bisa sendirian

Butuh waktu, butuh waktu

Entah sampai kapan, menunggu dinding yang di bikin si hati ini lapuk dan roboh..

But nothing I can say would change anything

Where were my senses?
I left them all behind
Why did I turn away?
We can pretend nothing's changed
Pretend it's all the same

Kapan ya aku bisa balik lagi sperti saat itu?

-Seperti sebelum batu berita itu menghantamku dan mengaburkan harapan-
dan si bodoh ini pun menangis lagi


bY : Annisa Mutya R




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