18 May 2009

The Sweaty Truth About The Gym

Here’s a gross one about working out. One morning I woke up exceptionally early. The night before, I made up my mind that I was going to go to the gym and work out, real early. I did this because someone told me that working out early in the morning made for a better work out. So off I went.

I arrived at the gym a little after it opened. I swiped my membership card and headed back to the workout area. Upon entering the gym I noticed that there was only one other person in there with me. This fact didn't bother me at the time and so I payed it no mind. I did my stretching and decided to do some bench press. Now here’s the problem. I thought to myself, “I want to lift a bunch of weight but I need someone to watch me in case something goes wrong.”

I sat there for a minute and then it clicked, “I’ll ask the other guy if he will spot me.” So I did just that. He agreed and we headed to the bench press area. I lay down under the weight and positioned myself. I just expected him to watch but to my surprise he straddled over my head in such a way that his crotch was right in my face.

Now to give you an idea of the level of how uncomfortable the situation was, this is what the guy looked like. He was a short, fat man who was covered in hair. To make matters worse he had tiny little shorts on that were very loose fitting. As if it could get any worse he was sweating like a pig. I tried to put this out of my mind and decided to push through the awkwardness.

“1, 2, and 3...lift” I take the bar and lower down. The first couple of repetitions go smoothly. The more tired I became the closer he squatted, bringing his crotch closer to my face. It was precisely at one of the times he came closer that I noticed a drop of sweat dangling from the crotch area of his paints. I was in mid lift; there was nothing that I could do.

I thought to myself while staring up at this drop, “Oh God, please don’t let it drop, just let me get through this last set, please God.” It was halfway though this prayer when the drop fell and landed in my open mouth. I screamed like a girl, “OH MY GOD, NOOOOO!” I dropped the weight onto my chest, he freaks out and is trying desperately to get the weight off of me. I’m crying out, “OH GOD WHY!” Finally he gets the weight off of me, I said thank you and headed for the exit.

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